so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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