I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
