I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
