We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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