u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
