Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
