Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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