just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize