hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
