am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
