It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
