Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
