I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize