So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
