i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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