I'm so fucking centered right now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
