i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
