Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
