I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
