i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
