so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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