I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
