he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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