Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize