maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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