"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
