Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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