dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
