**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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