You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
