I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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