The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
