Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
