no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
