I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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