i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
