Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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