Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
