His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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