just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
