WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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