This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
