oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
