I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
