I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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