Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am naked and annoyed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
