I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
