Sponge bath it is.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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