thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
