I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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