The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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