I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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