I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
