was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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