ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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