he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did i walk over a car last night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
