yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So apparently I’m into choking now
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