Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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