wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
