i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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