I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
