I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
