she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
