the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
