If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
