The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
