If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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