Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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