how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
