do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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