I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
