I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
