I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
