Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
