I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love having hate sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
