hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
birth control should be required to get into college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
