good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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