The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
