you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
