I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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