i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
