Jerry, you need to find god
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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