We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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