my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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