1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I believe in your delicious
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize