My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
