Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
