They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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