is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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