1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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