I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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