The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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