If i come over, it means nothing
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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