Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
