It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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