I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
