you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
