Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the day after is always just damage control
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
