There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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