Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
