I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
